46. The Forty Rules of Love - Elif Shafak (📖)

Reading Notes:

For despite what some people say, love is only a sweet feeling bound to come and quickly go away.

Human beings tended to disparge what they couldn’t comprehend.

Knowing yourself will lead you to the knowledge of God.

Submission is a form of peaceful acceptance of the terms of the universe, including the things we are currently unable to change or comprehend.

One should keep the intellect satisfied and yet be careful not to spoil it.

Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple understandings. Don’t ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence.

A genuine spiritual master will not direct your attention to himself or herself and will not expect absolute obedience or utter admiration from you, but instead will help you to appreciate and admire your inner self. True mentors are as transparent as glass. They let the Light of God passthrough them.

Because you are so desperate to win the approval of others, you’ll never get rid of their criticism, no matte how hard you try.

“Real filth is the once inside. The rest simply washes off. THere is only one type of dirt that cannot be cleansed with pure waters, and that is the stain of hatred and bigotry contaminating the soul. You can purify your body through abstinence and fasting, but only love will purify your heart.”

If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses.

In everything we do, it is our hearts that make the difference, not our outer appearances. Sufis do not judeg other people on how they look or who they are. When a Sufi stares at someone, he keeps both eyes closed and instead opens a third eye – the eye that sees inner realm.

The first stage is Depraved Nafs.

Instead of blaming other people all the time, the person who has reached this stage blames himself, sometimes to the point of self-effacement. Herein the self becomes the Accusing Nafs and thus starts the journey towards inner purification.

In the third stage - Inspired Nafs. It is only at this level, and not anytime before, that once can experience the true meaning of the word “surrender” and roam the Valley of Knowledge. Anyone who has made it this far will possess and display patience, perserverence, wisdom and humility.

Those who manage to go even further - Serene Nafs.

Beyond that lies the Valley of Unity. Pleased Nafs. One becomes a lantern to humanity, radiating energy to everyone who asks for it, teaching and illuminating like a true master. In everything he does and aspires to do, his main goal is to serve God through others.

Finally the seventh stage, Purified Nafs and becomes Insan-i Kamil.

“Even if there might be a Shams equivalent in some people, what matters is, where are the Rumis to see it.”

All the prophets have given the same advice: Find the one who will be your mirror!

“The Quran is a gushing river,” he said. “Those who look at it from a distance see only one river. But for those swimming in it, there are four currents. Like different types of fish, some of us swim closer to the surface while some others swim in deep waters down below.”

This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a viscious circle of malevolent energy. Instead of forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of forty days, because you will be different inside.”

“You like distinction because you think they make life easier. What if things are not that clear all the time?”

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “In this world take pity on three kinds of people. The rich man who has lost his fortune, the well-respected man who has lost his respectability, and the wise man who is surrounded by ignorants.”

Nothing should stand between yourself and God. Not Imams, priests, rabbis, or any other custodians of moral or religious leadership. Not spiritual masters, not even your faith, Believe in your values and your rules, but never lord them over others. If you keep breaking other people’s hearts, whatever religious duty you perform is no good.

While everyone in this world strives to get somewhere and become someone, only to leave it all behind after death, you aim for the supreme stage of nothingness. Live this life, as light and empty as number zero. We are no different from a pot. It is not the decorations outside but the emptiness inside that holds us straight. Just like that, it is not what we aspire to achieve buy the consciousness of nothingness that keeps us going.

Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformations. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough.

Every incident that happens, no matter how colossal or small, and every hardship that we endure is an aspect of a divine plan that works to that end. Struggle is intrinsic to being human. That is why it says in the Quran. Certainly we will show Our ways to those who struggle on Our way.

The world is created upon the principle of reciprocity. Neither a drop of kindness nor a spect of evil will remain unreciprocated. Fear not the plots, deceptions, or tricks of other people. If somebody is setting a trap, remember, so is God. He is the biggest plotter. Not even a leaf stirs outside God’s knowledge. Simply and fully believe in that. Whatever God does, He does beautifully.

Every winner is inclined to think he will be triumphant forever. Every loser tends to fear that he is going to be beaten forever. But both are wrong for the same reason: Everything changes except the face of God.